It would not be surprising that how deeply happy one can be will depend on the depth of one’s well-being. For example, those who are at peace with their luck are likely to feel calm, while those who yearn for things they don’t have will tend to be restless.
When someone delights in meeting the needs of others, then his satisfaction is his own reward. But when we indulge instead in alienating others, or in being greedy for superficial things that cannot provide deeper satisfaction, the consequences would be very different. Won’t the long-term effect be discontent and frustration?
Aren’t we happy doing what we want no matter what it is?
In Swedenborg’s message, the more, for example, neighborliness, community spirit, and honesty become a way of life, the more we experience a sense of contentment and delight. On the other hand, a life of selfishness, with resulting greed or remorseless deception, can only result in superficial pleasure.
So why might we think that Swedenborg is right? That selfishness results only in superficial happiness? Aren’t we all a little selfish anyway?
Egoism means putting oneself first, seeking first to enjoy bodily pleasure, the praise and admiration of others, to get one’s own way in everything, etc. But from a spiritual perspective, isn’t this whole pursuit of happiness nothing more than wishful thinking? Doesn’t true happiness come when you don’t look for it?
At the risk of sounding prudish, I firmly believe that permanent happiness comes from genuinely focusing our minds on the needs of others. It comes from wanting to fulfill some useful function in whatever situation we find ourselves in.
Doesn’t happiness have anything to do with who we live with and meet?
A relevant observation that could also help explain why selfish pleasures result in less happiness refers to something that Swedenborg observed. He reports that at some point in the next life, those with selfishness mix with those with a similar character and this has ramifications. The depth of one’s happiness will vary according to the company one keeps.
In general, he observes that in the next life, one associates with those similar in character to his own, who have a similar level of personal development or lack thereof. Sensitive with sensitive. Fool with fool. One ends up associating with those with similar desires. This way we would be more comfortable. Each of us would be interacting with those who see things comparably in terms of similar values: ethical or criminal, spiritual or materialistic.
One can see some of this tendency in this life, in terms of the friends we choose. We associate with others who share an interest in a worthy cause. Those who like to gossip spend time together. Those with the same social prejudices tend to meet. To express hostility, one may join a gang that seeks to indulge in violence.
If each person connects with like-minded people, different social circles will form. Some groups have mutual interest and good sense. Others simply consist of individuals who want possessions for themselves or to get away with it.
Imagine that we are selfish and selfish, but find ourselves in the company of thoughtful and selfless people. Those who don’t share our ‘I’m fine, Jack’ attitude, teasing jokes, or self-indulgent fantasies. Wouldn’t we soon feel out of place like a fish out of water and want to go back to people more like us?
The problem is that when you want what you want for yourself, there can only be restlessness and frustration because others like us are wanting the same thing. When everyone is like this, there is rivalry and no sense of shared community. No peace and goodwill. Swedenborg noted the social sphere of very selfish people. He observed that there was neither mutual love nor mutual respect between the sexes. He found only a bitter rivalry because each person sought to dominate the other by compulsion or subtle cunning.
The unpleasantness of this dark afterlife state is really just the frustration selfish people experience when they cannot get what they want from other selfish individuals, e.g. admiration from others, possession of what others have, being obeyed. . The reality is that this frustration would not be a joyous existence.
If happiness comes with being selfless, can’t we stop being selfish?
We might wonder about young people who die tragically before their adult lives have really begun. It would seem extremely unfair that, in the afterlife, they would continue in an endless state of sadness. Why couldn’t such individuals learn to consider the needs of others as well as their own in the next life? What is the reason why one cannot learn the lesson and find peace and satisfaction? Why can’t anyone, however self-centered at first, become a very different person after death? Don’t we have something to say about what our life will be like after death?
According to Swedenborg, in the early stages of the next life, what is selfish in people can sometimes be pushed aside. This is probably the case for those whose egoism is not so ingrained; these, if they wish, can learn the error of their ways. Perhaps thinking more or less of themselves was necessary when they lived on earth. Perhaps they had never experienced anything but disappointment and rejection. They could have been treated very unfairly so that no one else was taking care of them. Fighting for emotional and financial survival was all they knew.
So in the next life we can stop being self-centered?
Swedenborg also writes that self-concern in some people can be very ingrained. They usually confirm this state of mind with their actions. So much so that in them selfishness is equivalent to contempt, hatred or even cruelty. His point is that these characteristics cannot be mixed with love for higher principles and compassion for others. Consequently, he declares that those of basic egoistic character remain in their egoistic state. Your level of happiness is permanent.
We can compare this dark side of the afterlife to a prison. Jail is literally hell on earth. Prisoners are often repeat offenders as they do not admit that there is a problem and therefore cannot solve it. They usually have a backwards view of what is right and what is wrong. They promote what is bad on the false basis that ‘the badder we are, the fewer people will try to harm us’. In this way they gain the illusion of respect through fear.
Can’t we develop less selfishness when we have self-understanding?
Wanting to change requires a personal perception of the tragic error of one’s paths. Insight that requires enlightened understanding. However, the worst kind of egoism is narcissism, hatred and sadism. These are indeed dark states of mind. Consciousness lacking the light of self-knowledge.
Who among us would appreciate an evaluation of our character? For the rest, who likes to be confronted constructively and what about himself in the light of social consciousness? Anyone who has developed a serious pattern of selfishness, and comes across as it is, is probably uncomfortable, to say the least.
Let’s imagine for a moment that we have various aspects of a selfish character. In the light of truth, we would realize that a much deeper level of happiness is possible. Understanding it means focusing our minds on the needs of others. In addition, it implies wanting to fulfill some useful function for our community.
Is not self-knowledge possible in the next life?
According to Swedenborg’s view, in the next life, we would recognize our true character only when this light of truth sometimes shines. Then the light would be bright enough to show the ugliness of our surroundings. An ugliness that we had not noticed before. It would reflect the ugly state of heart and mind that we had formed. It is not a welcome sight.
Some internal conflict within us would immediately arise if self-knowledge entered our minds. We would be forced to recognize the improper nature of our selfish behavior. For example, if we prefer a life of idle and selfish action, we will certainly suffer from anguish and want to hide from the light. All we would want is to go back to our normal state where we wouldn’t have to honestly face ourselves for who we are. Being selfish people we would prefer to continue in the delusions of self-justification.
Then, we would move away from the light that would have illuminated our understanding and the suffering ceases. The light is always there but we would prefer the dark.