Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they are already asleep.
— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
They are so sweet when they are sleeping. I used to go into their rooms and just look at them. My sister, who is also in recovery, told me that she would kneel beside her and pray for them as they slept. I took that idea from her and started doing that too, especially when we were struggling to communicate, or had a test the next day that they were stressed about.
Kissing your child goodnight, even when they’re sleeping, reminds me how important the bedtime ritual is to the routine of toddler and school-age children’s lives. Each night, start the bedtime ritual at least 30 minutes before you want your child to sleep in bed. Children need a lot of sleep. Nine or ten hours minimum. The younger the child, the more sleep he needs. We would start with baths, pajamas, reading and then prayers, tucking in and kissing. Sometimes they fell asleep during the story, but usually not.
Sometimes they needed monster spray because they were scared. He would take a spray can and spray the closet and under the bed. We would talk for a moment about their fears and I would tell them that they were now protected. I would help them call our ancestors to be on guard that night for the monster imagined in childhood and I would leave them and go get ready for bed. Before going to bed, I would go in one more time just to look at them and make sure they were asleep.
For many of us, growing up in our own homes, there was no bedtime ritual. For many of us, chaos reigned and the children were forgotten. Being a father is a new opportunity to learn how to be a father to yourself and your children. All the lessons and teachings of the 12 steps can be easily applied to parenting. Choose a bedtime ritual and stick to it. Your kids will love it and look forward to it. Go shopping together for the books you will read. Choose pillowcases that they will put on their own pillows and look at each night when they go to bed. Bring joy to afternoon rest time.
Don’t let ego or angst sneak up on you just before you’re ready to sleep for the night. Bring your grateful heart to the evening ritual to be emotionally available to your child. Many children will be defiant, asking for food or water. Put a glass of water by the bed and tell them breakfast will be here soon. If they complain about illnesses or colds, tell them that their bodies are magical and they can heal themselves overnight (which they are). Tell them to imagine well and to sleep with this faith. Kiss them goodnight and tell them how much you love them and tell them what a blessing they are to the Universe.