The ancient tradition of marriage was often less about individuals (remember it wasn’t until the last century that we thought individuals were as important as family) and more about the family or clan that surrounds the marriage and the new family. That is why in Celtic the hands were often wrapped in the plaid, the most visible symbol of the family. (It’s also why the first wedding rings were signet rings rather than the wedding bands they are today.)
When you join your lives in marriage, one of the most complicated yet sweet gifts you receive is your membership in this sprawling kinship of families. Everyone is connected through marriage. You will hear a lot about the separation of the young family and that is true. But the commitment of that young family to the big family will be a huge support for this new marriage.
Even those unwieldy relationships whose marriage you don’t want to emulate teach you a lot about marriage. You don’t have to have that kind of marriage. You can have the marriage you create. But there is a powerful connection with people who share our heritage, whether they like it or not! And above all, we like it very much!
The important thing to remember when joining hands and hearts on your wedding day is that you get to choose where you stand in the family. You may cause some irritation as you claim your new place in your family. It will not be an easy move for you or your family. It may take a bit of education as people begin to understand their gifts not only as individuals but also as a couple and a new family. But there is great joy in knowing and deepening those connections. Your marriage will thrive with the support of family. You will find models of marriage that you can learn from. If you have children, they will be happy to have cousins.
So as you join your hearts and lives in your wedding ceremony, recognize the wonderful bonds you have with your families as part of your wedding vows.