Sometimes I hear from wives who are dealing with a confession of an affair and wonder what their husband’s reaction really means. Because let me be clear. Not all men react the same way. Some men are quite incensed. Some are defensive. Some are cruel. Some are in denial. And others are sad, ashamed and regretful. Some even cry. And all of these actions can leave the wife wondering what to make of her behavior.
Imagine hearing the wife say, “My husband came up to me the other night very upset. He took a deep breath and told me he had something to talk to me about. I sat down. Then he started sobbing and confessed to me about a short-term affair with one of my friends.” his clients. He told me that words cannot express the shame he feels and assured me that it would never happen again. His tears did nothing for me at the time. In fact, they just made me angry. Why crocodile tears after he ruined our marriage? But after I had several days to think about this, I thought maybe his crying was a good sign because it meant he cared deeply about it. But when I discussed this with my mother, she said that he just I was sorry he got caught. She said her tears are just a way to manipulate me. I know what she’s saying, but when I think back on that moment, I think her tears were real. He didn’t look like he faked it to me. Why would a man would cry by confessing or talking about his business?
This can be difficult to pin down. I can and will give you my theories. But, the only way to really know the truth about this is to have the man tell you WHILE you are sure that he has a firm grip on his feelings. This is a difficult task. Because honest men often admit they don’t know why they cry.
I understand why people think a cheating husband is crying during confession because he gets caught. There is probably a lot of validity in this. But being caught implies that they were trying to hide this from you and were unsuccessful. This was not the case here. The husband initiated the confession. He didn’t have to do this. His wife didn’t even suspect. He simply decided to tell her the truth and face the consequences.
Of course, I’m just guessing, but I think it’s likely he was overwhelmed with emotions and cried because he had to face the consequences of his actions. And he had to face the fact that he himself was causing this kind of shock and pain to someone who had done nothing wrong and had done nothing to deserve it. I have never been in this situation as I was the faithful husband. But many have told me that it is terribly heartbreaking to have to look at the person you love and then explain to them how you betrayed them when you see the shock and pain on their face. This hurts. Especially when you know you’re to blame. So, you can cry when the reality of this hits you.
I know you care if he’s sincere or not. I can tell you that his actions are much more important than his words anyway. He can say anything. He can do anything. He can fake a tear or a sob. But at the end of the day, what he can’t fake is how he’s going to do this right and what kind of husband he’ll be to you from now on. What matters more than his tears is how he rehabilitates himself, rebuilds trust and helps you heal starting today.
My opinion is that her tears can mean many things. But it is much better to see tears than indigence, excuses or justifications. Instead of showing an attempt to justify their cheating or blaming you, show sadness. And for me, this is a good sign. But it’s not my opinion that matters. It’s from the wife.