“I never learn from my mistakes.” A sad truth that this article will explain why we continually make the same mistakes over and over again.
In fact, we learn from our mistakes, but we learn bad habits. In every event, we are accumulating knowledge of a process; action, reaction and result. This is exactly the same thing that we have been doing since we were born. An action leads to a reaction that leads to a result, and the entire process is stored in memory. When a similar action occurs again, we automatically search our memory for an appropriate reaction that we think we should have, based on a previous event. This will produce a result and that result will be stored in memory.
The problem is that all we are doing is accumulating information of if something happened, how I reacted and what was the result. It does not teach us how to react to obtain a different result.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
If I ask you what 2 plus 2 is, you don’t go through the mechanical process of counting one and one and one and one and you get four. No, you think very quickly that 2 plus 2 equals 4, because you already know that answer. This is a very useful skill to save time and is good in many situations, but not for finding Love and learning from the mistakes of past relationships.
To find that perfect relationship that lasts without fights or pain, we must learn why we make these mistakes.
Our problem lies in desire. We desire certain things, which means that we require a certain outcome for all situations. It is extremely rare for us to meet a new person and be completely open to how it will turn out, how fate or circumstances will determine, rather than how you want it to be.
In our relationships, we often argue and get angry with another person because even though Jack told Jill about his situation, Jill didn’t want to listen to it because it didn’t fit with her wishes. This is the cause of most conflicts, most fights, most disagreements.
Information was given to him verbally or subtly, with clues that his intuition was able to interpret and prepare if he was in a completely objective state and listening to what the other person was really trying to say. But you didn’t listen to it because it didn’t fit in with your plans. Often a person cannot adequately formulate or verbalize her thoughts, but if he is attentive and open enough, he can see what he is trying to express. Sometimes they just don’t have the courage to say it.
This applies very well in new relationships when the fear of being alone enters. How many characteristics do we close our eyes to when we meet a new person because we want the relationship to work for various reasons?
If you close your eyes and walk into a room, you have no right to curse the furniture when you stub your toe. Even moving the furniture doesn’t help because the next time you enter the room, if you still close your eyes, you’ll hit the furniture again. The fault is not in the furniture, the room or the lack of light, they are parts of the mind.
We repeat our mistakes and never learn because we don’t know the right way to react to a situation. Every situation is different. It would be impossible for anyone to learn the correct reaction to every possible event. If someone gives you a guide or list of; ‘if this happens then do that’ is setting you up for disaster.
What if it’s a bomb disposal instruction? “cut the blue wire before the red”, but did the guy who made the bomb mix up the wires?
Rather, the solution lies in developing a completely objective mind that is open without placing your desires in your own thoughts so strongly that it stifles common sense and your ability to interpret clear signals.
Once you have developed the ability to be objective and allow everything to happen freely, you do not need to control things or try to alter them according to your wishes. You will have developed the ability to be prepared for all events before they happen because, in addition to being objective, that ability brings flexibility and adaptability so that you can adapt to all situations with complete equanimity.
You will no longer need to force things against their nature, for that is only a temporary change. Eventually, nature will take its own course, and that’s when it slaps you in the face.
In this way, you will be able to adapt to all situations, prepare yourself in advance for most difficulties and events and you will be in the perfect place to get the most benefit and live with the greatest ease all situations and, finally, you will be able to have learned from their mistakes. Not the event, but the way of dealing with events in your own mind.
EXERCISE
To become objective you must realize and accept how subjective you are, and then change it. The solution to every problem can be found in accepting the objective reality of the situation. That’s all. Once you have that, you will have achieved equanimity and be the master of your own heart and mind, which means that you will no longer be afraid to open your heart and feel the love that we all desire.
Stop putting your desires, ideas and concepts on other people. Listen to them instead.