On how we can use constructive forms of anger against destructive forms of anger to develop better emotional health…
Anger is a powerful emotion; it can wreak havoc in our personal and social relationships and can even, at times, have dangerous consequences. So why do we get angry? Is anger constructive in some way or purely destructive? Is it possible to control anger by understanding its deeper psychological causes? Perhaps with proper analysis of an emotion, we can control the emotion instead of allowing the emotion to control us.
Many things or events, of great or even minor importance, can make us angry. If the computer suddenly crashes when you are working on something really important, you may get upset. Similarly, if your business partner works against your wishes, that makes you angry too. Indeed, sometimes emotions in us become so important that the very external event that caused anger somehow recedes into the background. However, anger can be both constructive and destructive.
Anger, best defined as a feeling of disgust, irritation or hostility, can have different dimensions with responses from mild to violent. Anger management is an important topic as stress, anxiety and irritation are persistent in modern life. Anger manifests mainly negatively and is directed against someone, it is a social response and it has social consequences. Psychological theories consider anger as a response to pain. Therefore, when we feel some kind of pain or irritation or go through unpleasant feelings along with the realization of a potential threat, we tend to get angry. Thus, in anger there are two factors: a feeling of pain or disgust, followed by a feeling of threat. When a partner says or does something unpleasant, we get angry because we feel pain and also feel that the situation could threaten or jeopardize the relationship. The need for some uniformity in life is strong in all of us and whenever we feel a disruption in this ‘structure of life’ that we like to cling to, we become aggressive and angry. A tool is ‘supposed’ to work, when it doesn’t we get angry. A relationship is ‘supposed’ to work, when it doesn’t, we get angry. So anger is largely a reaction against disrupting our preconceptions/assumptions, we long for stability and security in life.
Eastern philosophy considers anger as a result of human ignorance or folly that is a consequence of worldly attachment. The argument is that if we can let go of the attachment to the object of anger, we won’t get angry. However, the fact is that attachment is a basic truth of life and whenever there is attachment to something, there is also expectation and the breaking of this expectation leads to anger. Psychoanalysis would consider anger as a form of gratification of aggressive impulses, so when there is frustration of sexual gratification, anger can arise. In fact, anger in the form of sadism has been widely explained by psychoanalysts as a form of sexual gratification through aggression. Aggression could also be related to feelings of narcissism and ego and as a manifestation of a threat to our sense of identity. Taking into account the physiology of emotions, William James has provided a theory and explanation of what is considered the flight-fight response or the automatic response of the body to face or flee from real or perceived threats. However, the subtle phenomenological differences in different emotions are not always taken into account, as we do not yet have a complete theory for the science of consciousness that largely controls emotions. James’s theory suggests that any emotion is a response to physiological changes in the body. There is controversy about this theory, although the physiological changes in the body during anger are well documented. During anger, the amygdala of the brain sends signals, the muscles of the body tense, neurotransmitters and hormones are released in the brain that quickly lead to a state of excitement. The amygdala of the brain is responsible for the perception of threats and dangers, the hypothalamus of the brain responsible for the perception of pain or irritation are activated during anger and we react without the mediation of the cortical or reasoning part of the brain. Strong emotions like anger can be just as ‘blind’ as strong emotions of love, as both represent a state of arousal when our brain is not in a normal chemical or physiological condition, so to speak.
Responses or reactions to anger are all we are concerned with, as we may not be able to control the emotion per se, but we can control its manifestations. People have different levels of reaction to stimuli and some people react quickly and strongly to certain things or events, while others may react slowly and not show the same intensity. Some people break glasses or burn objects when they are angry; some others incur in verbal or physical abuse towards the object of anger or towards a substitute object while others control and suffer depression with inward aggression. Although some amount of display of anger is psychologically healthy, as it can prevent feelings of hurt, depression, or feelings of self-destruction, overreacting to an object of anger can be destructive to both the person who is angry and the object of anger. . Anger, being reciprocal and contagious, can also create anger in the object of anger, whereby the object reacts aggressively or becomes passive without reacting despite strong feelings of disgust and resentment.
This brings us to the discussion of anger as a constructive and destructive process and anger management. Anger management is harnessing the constructive potential of anger. Aggressive impulses are necessary, they help us stay competitive and succeed by pushing ourselves and working hard. Without internal aggression, we will never achieve anything in life. Aggression provides zeal and life force, so anger in measured forms is always good and has a constructive effect. Despite this, we have to learn how and where to draw the line given the situation and the person we are angry with.
We must understand exactly where a fine line separates the constructive from the destructive phase of anger. Anger management is locating this line using reason even during the most irritated state of mind. How do we do this? This is only possible by repressing feelings of threat or danger by developing a form of inner fearlessness. Therefore, here the constructive aggressive impulses can be used against the destructive ones. How do we use anger against anger to stop anger? It sounds like a play on words. But in a situation where we stop feeling threatened by being brave, we will stop being angry.
Consider a person who is extremely angry with his colleagues because he feels threatened with losing his job or his self-esteem. In this situation, the best thing you can do is feel less threatened by trusting that no matter what, you won’t lose your job. This inner confidence, a kind of subtle aggression, is the key to controlling anger. Therefore, the two parts of anger: pain and threat cause reactions in us, we can’t do much about the pain, but we can do something about the feelings of threat. We can ignore or overcome the threat with greater confidence. Traditional relaxation or meditation techniques or even wisdom talks for anger management may not always work during a state of arousal because our reasoning part of the brain doesn’t work when we’re angry. But relaxation will come naturally if we don’t feel threatened, if we remove the threatening part of the aggression and exercise our self-confidence. Therefore, I would suggest that anger management is not about trying to force the mind to relax during an excited state, which is almost impossible because our body doesn’t allow it, but rather about developing the constructive aspects of anger. aggression within us so that we are aggressive. or bold enough to face all threats without tensing up or getting irritated. Only subtle aggression can control violent aggression. Therefore, anger management is about developing the subtle, deeply rooted constructive forms of aggression, the inner confidence to overcome all the destructive aspects of the emotion so that we can lead emotionally healthy and successful lives.