I think some of the hardest things we have to deal with as parents are our own impulsive reactions. One thing we must learn is how to stop yelling at children. Our responsibility is great; we are teaching life to our children, trying to give them the tools they will need to become healthy, happy and successful adults.
Many parents underestimate the importance of communication and the impact of their own words and behavior on their children. This, dear parents, is the basis of parenthood, since most of the bad behavior that you see in your child is generated by you, whether you accept it or not. Instead of feeling guilty and scared by this truth, I think it’s time to learn to stop yelling at children and make a beneficial change in how you react and therefore how your child behaves.
What should I do to stop yelling at children?
1. There is one basic thing you can remind yourself of every time you yell at your child. If you start yelling, so will your child. If you express your anger rather than temper it, so will your child. The relationship between a child and his parents works like a mirror, as children take their parents as role models. So to stop yelling at children, I advise parents to remind themselves that they are transferring their own reactions to their children and in doing so are creating a situation that they will not be able to handle. In a word, practice what you preach.
2. Establish routines with your child for lunch or bedtime or basically any time of the day. This will help your child follow some simple rules. You can illustrate the steps of the routines with pictures or drawings that you can post on the refrigerator door, for example. Kids enjoy fun routines and it’s a great way to get them to enforce the rules and stay more or less calm. These are the kinds of tools that can help you stop yelling at children.
3. Talk more with your child. Communicate more frequently, explain the rules you established, the penalties you apply, clarify what you say “no” to. If your child understands you more, he will be more willing to obey and accept your decisions and will not have to yell at you. Always remember that communicating is much more effective than yelling! Learning to stop yelling at kids takes an extra effort on your part, but it’s worth it. Really is.
I know how difficult it can be to stop yelling at children, but every time you are about to yell, you need to remind yourself how difficult it can be to handle the situation and how ineffective choice is. I know, you don’t see it as an option because you think you can’t help it, but seeing it as a bad choice is a good way to change! How to stop yelling at children is the same as how to start communicating with children and raising them more effectively.
But what if my situation is more difficult and my child’s behavior is intolerable?
When bad behavior has already become a habit in your child or adolescent and you no longer have control or authority over it, you should apply some effective guidelines as soon as possible. Unfortunately, time is always against you and in such a situation you need more than a few tips. The good news is that some parents and therapists created very effective parenting programs that you can easily apply.