Some people are more calculating than others and are experts at giving false appearances. They may appear insincere due to their personal fears. It can also make them somewhat cynical towards life.
For the sake of this article, we will use a ‘real life’ situation as an example. Two colleagues enter a shopping center and come across a store that sells electric razors for men. “I think I need one of them,” said a friend. The other suggested that they go into the store and take a look at some different models. As they browse, they notice that the only salesperson in the store, a girl, is busy answering product questions for a family group of four. It seemed that they had some questions to ask… So, the two friends started to surf. The one who said he needed an electric razor starts going um and ah. His friend clearly understood that price was the problem, so he suggested they look at cheaper models, even though there was no mention of price.
“What are you doing?” ask the potential buyer.
“She’s busy with some customers who keep asking her questions. That’s her job.” Reply to her friend.
“Yes, but it’s taking too long. I’m from the big city, and if you don’t give me service, you don’t get my money!” he proclaims.
They sailed for a couple of minutes when the one who was agitated said: “That’s it, I’ll wait for you outside… I’m tired!”
“Where are you going?” asked his friend, “The lone vendor is still with the other customers. It’s his job. You’re next.”
The friend who came out leans on a railing near the escalator, he was pensive.
“Why are you mad?” the friend of hers asked, “You know she’ll contact you the moment she’s done with the other people. They got there before you did.”
“I don’t give a damn! There’s no customer service here. I’m a paying customer, forget it!”
Your friend could have handled this situation in one of two ways: (a) told you that you were being unreasonable and also acting childish, or (b) used a technique that brings to light what may really be going on.
Method (a) can create conflict, but method (b) can serve you both to stay calm and to see the situation from another angle, without creating contention. Very often our choices are driven by emotions. Actually, in this case, it wasn’t because the vendor couldn’t meet his needs, it was really because he didn’t want to spend that kind of money. Instead of saying, “Gee, I like these, but I really think they’re expensive and I’m not comfortable spending that kind of money.” He decided to make a fuss about the lack of service.
Sounds reasonable, right? You’d be surprised how many people can’t be reasonable for fear of being judged and ridiculed (especially if they suffer from a lack of self-confidence) by their peers, instead of working things out in a more logical way. Most people care about their image and reputation etc…
That’s why we appreciate someone who tells it like it is, instead of beating around the bush.
So, as his friend reached his side and leaned against the railing next to him, he told his brooding friend, “I understand how you feel. I felt the same way when I bought mine, just like you did. But I found out now, Every time I shave, I don’t think about the price, I just enjoy the smoothness and closeness of the shave. And by the way, I honestly think I deserve it!”
This technique of the three Fs (feel, feel and find) is effective in handling a tricky situation. He has a proven track record of helping to bring things back into alignment, if done correctly, with ease and grace and non-judgmental, but kind understanding.