I recently heard from a wife who discovered that her husband had been cheating on her. A mutual friend of the couple approached her wife and informed her that he had seen the wife’s husband in a restaurant with another woman. The friend also said that it was clear that she had witnessed a romantic dinner. After hearing this, the wife did some digging and discovered that not only was her husband cheating on her, but he was having a full-blown affair and had been for about three months. The wife had concrete evidence of this. But she wasn’t sure how to confront her husband about it and she was worried about her reaction.
She asked me, in part, “How do husbands respond when you confront them about their infidelity or affairs? How can I expect my husband to react? I don’t know why I’m so nervous about this. He’s the one who cheated.” In Myself. But I suspect he’s going to have a very strong reaction and things could get ugly. What can I anticipate going into this and how can I make sure things go as smoothly as possible? I will try to address these concerns in the following article.
Men’s reactions when confronted with cheating vary dramatically. But here are some common reactions: It was really impossible for me to tell the wife how her husband was going to react. This varies from man to man and from marriage to marriage. The reaction usually depends, at least somewhat, on what the wife says and the stance she takes toward her when she confronts him.
If she is angry and accusatory, he is more likely to be defensive. If she’s hurt and reeling, he’s more likely to apologize. If she is insecure and indecisive, he is more likely to look her straight in the eye and deny any wrongdoing. However, there are no absolutes here and there are so many variables in a man’s reaction that it is impossible for me to predict.
Some men will get flustered and completely pissed off that you found out and are calling them out on their affair. Others will immediately turn themselves in to apologize and promise to end the matter immediately. Others are ready with their excuses and will insinuate (or say outright) that they cheated on you because you weren’t available to them or because there were problems within the marriage. Other men will try to downplay the affair and tell you things like the other woman meant nothing to them or that they were just getting ready to break up.
You may see any of these reactions, or you may see something else entirely. It helps to know and remember that you didn’t do anything wrong and that you have every right to confront him. However, how you confront him can be important, especially if you’re worried about his reaction. This brings me to the next point.
Some tips for confronting your husband about his cheating: I know you probably have a great deal of dread about this. I know that this is probably one of the most difficult conversations that she can have with her husband. But, if you’re absolutely sure that there’s no question that she’s having an affair, there’s no point in keeping quiet and letting her continue to cheat on you. I recommend waiting to confront him until you know that you can rest easy and also know that you have indisputable proof. And, if she is concerned that her husband will have a bad reaction, then I suggest having this conversation where there are other people around her.
Of course, you don’t want to discuss this where other people can hear it, but if you’re worried about an ugly scene, know that your husband may hesitate to act badly if he knows doing so will draw everyone’s attention. strangers (And hopefully, it goes without saying that you never want to put yourself in a dangerous or overly volatile situation. If you think this is possible, it’s probably best to have this conversation over the phone or with someone else present.)
It’s also important to do your best to stay calm. I know this is easier said than done, but the calmer you are, the more likely his reaction is to be more in line with your tone. I think it’s best to just tell him what you found and then wait for him to talk. Your initial confrontation is probably not the time to tell him how disappointed, shocked, and furious you are. He probably knows this anyway, and if you express these things, you won’t know his true reaction because he will only react to what you say. (Plus, you’ll have plenty of time for additional conversations in the future.) My suggestion is always to calmly tell him what you know and then wait to see how he responds. Let the silence do the work for you and put the burden of an answer on him.
One more word of caution. Her husband’s immediate reaction may be very different from the reaction she will have in a few days or even the next week. Many men are shocked and downright embarrassed and nervous. But instead of showing you these emotions, they will sometimes show you anger as a way to cover up their vulnerability and shock. I’m telling you this because I want you to know that you can actually see a variety of reactions, but they may not come all at once or you may not see all of them initially.
Once the shock wears off and he realizes there’s no reason to lie or continue the pose, you’re more likely to see how he really feels and how he’ll really react when you find out he’s been cheating on you. I know this isn’t easy, but try to stay calm and remember that you did absolutely nothing wrong.