I have given you an introduction to my son, Taylor, and our struggles with Asperger’s Syndrome. Now I will give you the story of his struggles within himself.
Since Taylor was a little boy, he always liked long hair. All he wanted were Barbie dolls, much to the dismay of certain friends and family. He even had an imaginary friend, whose long, silky hair he stroked for hours while he talked to himself. For Halloween many years he wanted girl’s costumes, and when we went to friends’ houses to play, princess costumes were his favorite.
We live in a military community, where real men wear blue and green and fight and play sports. We signed Taylor up for soccer, which was short-lived when he kissed a girl on the cheek in the middle of a game and the girls’ parents yelled across the field at my 6-year-old son so disgustingly he ran off crying and refusing. to come back sometime
My husband wasn’t sure how he felt about all of this. But I reasoned with him that either Taylor would realize that the other kids were picking on him and he would stop fitting in, OR he would say “fuck whatever you want, because THIS is what I like.” Either way, he would be the one to make the decision.
Over time, Taylor has adapted by cutting her hair short and wearing men’s clothing. She is almost 12 years old. But I still catch him wearing my accessories and dancing in my heels. He is comfortable in his skin.
But others are not comfortable with it.
This year, things have intensified. As a sixth grader, she rides the school bus with the kids from the high school. She has suffered abuse and intimidation on a daily basis. He came home with fist-sized bruises on his arms and thighs, and was slammed into lockers and called a “faggot” and “gay.” My baby comes home crying every day and I don’t know what I can do to protect him. The school’s position is that anything that occurs at the bus stop is not the responsibility of the school, and the bus driver says that he does not witness any of this behavior. Last year, one of the kids DID get caught bullying him inside the school, but the bully wasn’t suspended or expelled. If it wasn’t too late to notify the state of my intent to homeschool, he would have pulled it out. We now count down to May like it’s Christmas, so we can move on and hopefully find a school district that has better control over the situation.
With so many kids your age committing suicide over these same issues, it’s time to take a stand and insist that schools take these issues seriously. I make my son stay downstairs when he is home because I don’t want him to have the opportunity to be alone too long if he is emotionally distressed. When I was his age, I too was bullied. The teachers saw, and did nothing. I know not much has changed. Most believe that kids just need to “toughen up” to prepare for life in the real world. I want my son to learn to fend for himself and I give him that opportunity. But it only goes so far, because I’m still the father.
It is time for parents to step up and take responsibility for teaching tolerance. I don’t care what your religious beliefs are or if you live in a conservative home. It is a question of good and bad. I don’t know if my son is or will be gay, but I don’t care. This is my son, as there are many like him. You don’t have to approve of him, and you sure as hell don’t have to approve of my parenting style because I “let” him do these things. He is a human being and he makes his own decisions about who he is. My only job is to love him unabashedly and fiercely. And that’s what I’ll do.