Do they love me or do they not love me? She rips, pulls, and watches as a false guessing sensation slowly falls to the floor.
BUCK UP…
Forget about psychics, your horoscope and what the “others” say. They don’t know much more than you. Hell, you can even forget what I’m saying (written)… but answering the first question should come from your gut. What is the intestine? It’s your instinct. That’s a little voice inside of you that says “this is good” and “watch out!” that sometimes we ignore to give in to other “speaking” parts. How do I know if she is telling me the truth? You do not. That is the bet in life, love and human interactions in general. You have to take the leap, but calculated. Below, I’ve compiled a general list based on various conversations I’ve had with friends (various ages, sexual orientation, social status, race, religion) about how to tell if someone really genuinely likes you or NOT. . Since I, too, have a 50/50 chance of getting confused between my instincts and my hopes, I was happy to realize that no matter how much you think you know, there’s always more to learn.
Consider below a list of modern clues, questioned myths and harmless evidence in the search for true feelings. They were divided into categories of “LIKE”, “DON’T” and WOFT (Watch out for thorns). Some specific exceptions may follow some of these points denoted by “BUT” (no floral reference came to mind for this word). As you read, you will understand. I’m sure the ADD is already kicking in…
DISCLAIMER: a) This list is not exclusive. There are several other thoughts, tips and advice that I didn’t include, so please don’t write me saying “you forgot to say blah blah”. I am not writing a novel here. b) The fact that this list clarifies your questions does not mean that they are not subject to change. Love/Like are emotions and emotions are constantly evolving. Only apply these points to your current situation, in the immediate future, or in the recent past.
- Meeting with the parents. WOFT. First of all, if they live at home, then you have to meet their parents anyway to deny any voluntary intent. In the past, meeting the parents was the last approval step. Now? I’ve heard of parents having breakfast with a 1 night stand. See if they can have one of those “modern” families where they know everything and everyone because they have an open mind. If they say, “I hope you stay long”…then run.
- Meeting the best friends. WOFT. This does not mean anything. Your friends may be the sweetest, coolest people, but they can actually be just that…cool. Your interest is the best interest of your friend. If your friend’s interest is you on a temporary basis, he will agree. Don’t start exchanging numbers right off the bat and try too hard to get them to like you. BUT if all your friends are together every time you hang out, this can mean something different. Let your gut tell you if you’re just being used so you don’t feel left out.
- Friend in need. HE LIKES YOU. They are and want to be there for you, even when you don’t ask for help…not in a “I have nothing better to do” or “I need a hobby” kind of way. They just want to help make things, within their ability, easier for you, for nothing in return. For example, you’ve been working long hours and didn’t have time to buy food before (but now you can), but dinner is still made or delivered to you. Another example, you are stuck on an appointment and you need to get stamps before the post office closes. No need to ask, they volunteer to get you some and drop them off at your house after work. BUT if they ask you to get naked after helping, every time, or if they now have a list of favors to ask you all the time… watch out.
- Too jealous. NOT. Most people would say that jealousy is the sign of someone who just can’t bear to lose them. This is not true. Overly jealous people are insecure, possessive, control freaks, and extremely hungry for attention. Someone can’t care about you and still be jealous! That’s because they feel like you’re their bone (dog analogy) until they’re done with you… and EVEN THEN they may still want to claim you. There are people who date multiple people at once and still want each person’s undivided loyalty! Remember, this is a character flaw and it will most likely never change, so you need to figure out if this is something you can handle based on your personality, lifestyle, and habits. BUT, if the jealousy is subtle, quiet, passive, and infrequent, then it’s a good sign. A little rational jealousy is good. It keeps the other person on their toes and may be an indication that you demand a standard of respect in the relationship. This is very healthy for you to understand.
- Curious. HE LIKES YOU. You catch them staring at you from time to time with a subtle smile on their face as you talk to others. You are being admired. Enjoy it. This person finds the simple things you do, your post-gym sweat and messy hair in the morning refreshing. This is pretty. BUT don’t confuse the “wow I’m impressed” look with the dead man look with the “if we were alone I’d make you suffer for days” look. The latter may be a good idea (not to mention needed from time to time), but good doesn’t mean sincere feelings. It may just mean that the sexual chemistry is explosive and that true feeling is nothing more than a lit match.
- You are better than the ex. I say no! Someone who keeps comparing you to their ex is someone who has baggage. Yes, they can reference the ex as a basis of comparison for a new breakup, from time to time. But there are the people, who still have pictures of exes everywhere (phone, online, at home, etc.), complain about them, find excuses to talk about them all the time, and tell you how much better you are… keep going. . They need a therapist. BUT if your closest friend or parents bring it up once, that’s a huge plus. You ARE doing something good. Give yourself a pat on the back and keep up the good work.
- Hugs and sniffing prolonged. HE LIKES YOU. After sex and it’s still relatively early, they want to pull you closer and hold you all night. They hear/feel them by smelling your hair and neck. They only want you around because it makes them feel good. They feel comfortable. This can even occur even when sex is not involved, such as at the movies, on a walk at the mall, or at a family barbecue. Don’t act like a jerk and shy asking why they are doing that. You know why. Just let them do it subtly.
- Relatively expensive, hard-to-find, or very creative gifts. WOFT. If you’re getting what you consider to be very expensive gifts (which you probably can’t get for yourself usually)… this can go either way. Some people learned growing up and/or believe that respect and loyalty can be bought. Those people also believe that everyone has a price. The only good news here is that you find out which one they think is yours (this can either build confidence or hurt a lot). Examples, a billionaire buys you a pair of shoes and some trinkets… you have a low price. The hotel manager buys tickets to the sold-out golf tournaments you’ve been dying to go to by searching the internet for weeks…you’re priced high. A recent college grad surprises him by buying oils to give him a personal “spa” afternoon and makes his specialty that takes 2 hours to prepare… at a very high price. Everything is relative. It depends on the person, what the gift is and MOST IMPORTANTLY what was thought of in the gift, whether it’s $5 at McDonalds because they know you’re hungry you LOVE burgers and fries OR a stunning diamond watch just because it would look great on you . Someone who really likes you wants me to be just perfect. What they want is your happiness, not just an easy way to score points or boost their own egos.
- In any moment, in any place. HE LIKES YOU. Example, you are at the hottest party of the year, you start to feel tired and you say let’s go, they just say “ok” or finish their drink, start to collect their things and start their goodbyes. They don’t say “not yet… I can’t leave my friends”; or “I’m going to the bathroom” then they disappear to chat and leave you waiting; or “You’re a killjoy”; or “Have one more drink.” If they want a little more time, they kindly ask for a reasonable extension like 20 minutes. This person enjoys being wherever he wants you to be. It’s also great if most of the event, the person was next or visibly close to you…not because you asked for it, they don’t have any friends, or they think you’ll get jealous. They do it because this is where they CHOOSE to be, they RATHER to be. Another example, they might love your place every Friday night, but would you suggest movies and a pizza instead? They are down. A better sign is when they don’t need to invite your friends or theirs all the time. You should be enough sometimes. BUT remember, everyone needs their personal space and time to be with their closest friends without you. Also be wary of the person who ALWAYS wants to be alone with you, meet you at your place most of the time, or in “off the beaten path” places that are not your usual places. They may be trying to keep your “thing” a secret for some reason… hmm.
- They told you. NOT. This has not been, is not, and never will be an indicator of whether or not the person really likes you. They can be good players, or bad at breaking hearts, or they really like you. Who knows?! The only way it can mean anything more is if the statement is unsolicited, tone, eye contact, timing, and other factors play well together. This one really calls for your gut feeling! Always remember… words don’t create as strong memories as actual actions do. Regardless of what the person says, make sure it matches the small and big things he does combined with enough time to allow these actions to repeat themselves. ALL people behave in patterns. Like players who pretend to be “good”, they eventually let their true selves out; the truly sincere person will prove it over and over again, with you, with others. Observed. Words to live by as told by my mother: “You can change someone’s clothes but not their character.” “A person’s past and present give clues about their future.” Don’t let the illusions or the beautiful sounds of a 3 word sentence dull your senses. BUT closed mouths don’t feed… just ask if you’re ready. listen and see