Sometimes I hear from people who are so mad at themselves for cheating or having an affair, that they have come to hate not only their actions, but they hate themselves as well. I heard a woman say, “I cheated on my husband. It was the worst mistake I made in my entire life and I spend every second of every day regretting it. My says he will try to forgive me and we are working to save our marriage. I love him more than anything. The problem is that I am very angry with myself. I literally hate myself. And these feelings are damaging my marriage. Because I feel like I don’t deserve my husband. So I always cry and apologize and this frustrates my husband. He says I’d rather they didn’t mention this constantly so that we can move on with their lives. I can’t seem to help it. When I look in the mirror, I’m so disgusted with myself that I have to look away. What can I do? Because I’m really struggling “.
I can’t say I knew how this wife felt because I didn’t. I was the cheated spouse rather than the cheated spouse. However, when I hear from spouses who are as sincere as this wife, my heart goes out to them. And while she couldn’t tell her that she had no reason to be mad at herself (because she was), she could assure her that her hatred and anger didn’t really have a healthy place in her life. I’ll tell you why in the next article.
Hating yourself does not help your spouse: Let me try to help you see things a little more clearly. Probably one of the main reasons you hate yourself right now is because you feel so sorry for what this has done to your spouse. You love your spouse and are so sorry that your actions have hurt him. Therefore, you hate yourself because it is you who has hurt them. However, here’s the thing. Your anger and self-hatred does not help your spouse at all. Your hatred is not helping your spouse heal and is probably not making them feel better. So in that sense, it’s a waste. Nothing positive comes out of it. And, as a result, your marriage is not improving. In fact, these feelings are not doing you any good. They are hurting you instead of helping you. Therefore, it is better that you stay away from them and use your energy for something that is really useful.
Move towards something constructive that makes a real difference: One way to start moving away from these destructive feelings is to move toward things that will heal. So instead of hating yourself, what can you do to help your spouse? Well, you can become responsible and responsible. You can become the partner your spouse needs and wants. You can work tirelessly to restore trust. You can do any number of things to offer your spouse reassurance and affection. In short, you want to use your energy to heal rather than use your energy to harm.
The next time you feel your hatred and anger driving you, redirect it. Instead of doing something destructive to yourself, do something nice for your spouse. Instead of wallowing in your thoughts, call your spouse and tell him how much you love him. When you are filled with self-doubt, take inventory and be sure to do your best to remove any doubt about your trustworthiness and loyalty. When you are angry at your actions, be sure to set it up so that your future actions are that you can be very proud of. Because the best way to make sure your hatred fades is to face it head-on with love. And if from today on you live your life with integrity and truth, eventually you will know that you do everything you can to correct this evil.
No, you can’t take it back and that can be heartbreaking. But you have control over the future. You can control your future actions, and you can do everything in your power to strengthen your marriage and help your spouse heal. And you can become the kind of spouse who makes your partner very happy. If you can have the kind of marriage that makes both of you feel satisfied and show that you are rehabilitated and trustworthy, then continuing to hate yourself is just a waste of time and not really founded anyway.